I knew there would be days like this.

So, I have a coaching tomorrow and will rehearse with my accompanist. I always dread Fridays.

Yes, one of those days. When you feel like the most contribution you can make to your art is to bang your head against the wall repeatedly and groan. And then get a job delivering pizzas. As it turns out, it's not inspiring to be surrounded by superior artists. It's discouraging and humiliating. No matter how much I try to be inspired, it's like there's no button in me that I can push so I can think, "Wow, what a great sound. I can do that!" It's discouraging to hear a freshman boy sing better than most of the boys in your undergrad career, and know that he'll only get better and get ALL the jobs he wants.

Sometimes it feels like a lost cause. How many times do I need to have practicing coloratura explained to me? How many times do I need to be reminded to sing ON the voice, to keep a low larynx, to expand my rib cage? How many times do I need to be told that I have a choir voice or a voice for blending? Apparently a lot.

I can take this, I know I can. I always manage to muster some strength. But I'm already seriously doubting myself. I think the thing that really keeps me going is that this is what I feel I must do with my life. I want this, and sometimes I feel like I'm so close. I want this enough to come from behind, round the outside, and manage to go nose-to-nose from some of the best of my age (shut up, I'm from Kentuckiana). I can't let myself fall back now.

But there's so. much. more. to. learn.